Authentic Living & Wildflowers
April 2025
As I write this, I am sitting on a plane on my way back to Boston after a visit with family that filled my cup in so many ways. On this trip, I played with my little niece and nephew, spent hours swimming in their pool, went for a long but easy run (stopping to notice the wildflowers!), ate out at restaurants, went bowling, and more—all in the span of only two days. This trip, times celebrating some recent wins with my family back in Boston, and other current exciting life events such as…buying a house…planning a wedding… (!!!) have me reflecting on how different things would be had I stayed stuck in my eating disorder. I don’t love spending too much time with the “what-ifs” of life, but this is one worthy of reflection because of the gratitude that results.
When I was struggling with my eating disorder, I was not TRULY living. I was focused on food, first and foremost (it wasn’t even about the food). I didn’t stop to notice the little things. I didn’t have the energy to actually enjoy movement or spend hours swimming. If I was out at a restaurant, I wouldn’t order what I actually wanted, or engage fully in the conversation happening around me. I also missed out on SO MUCH life while I was physically removed from my family and friends, tucked away in treatment centers—months that turned into years. I gained so much from my time in treatment along with forever friends—I wouldn’t change that for the WORLD. AND at the same time I want those years of my normal life back—strengthening relationships, sharing experiences, and enjoying life with the people back home that I hold dear.
This sounds sad, and at times it is—that is okay—but my point here is that I recovered and am able to live my life NOW. If you are struggling, recover so that you don’t miss out. Recover so that you can continue strengthening relationships, sharing experiences, and enjoying life. Recover so that when you travel to see family, you can live in the present. Recover so that you can go to that restaurant and order whatever the heck you want. Recover so that you spend your time thinking about fun plans and ways to spend your time that fill your cup rather than drain it. Recover to feel strong & free & hopeful & happy.
Regardless of diagnosis/lack of diagnosis, there are ways to apply this to your life. Do you spend more time than you would like thinking about food? Worrying about things that you can’t control? Engaging in unhelpful behaviors? You have the power to change this for yourself! It might take time, but it is possible. Be motivated by the potential of more authentic LIVING.
Stopping to notice wildflowers this weekend lead me to remember a story that my parents tell me. When I was in a soccer league as a 4-year-old, instead of actually playing soccer (whatever that looked like for a group of toddlers), I would stop in the middle of the soccer field, other kids running around me, to pick flowers. Stopping during a run to do the same this weekend had me thinking—this is my TRUE SELF. Even at 4-years-old I was doing what I do today without even thinking! It is just automatic for me to notice the beauty around me, and this clearly runs deep. As I said, when I was in my eating disorder, I did not really do this. I was not fully authentic, and I could not fully enjoy my life. I wanted to—I asked for people to send me pictures of yellow things so that I could see happy & beautiful things noticed by others— but I myself was not stopping to notice nearly as many flowers as I stop for today. I encourage you to take a closer look about how you want to live, what you are currently doing that does or does not serve this purpose, and to always be authentically you. :)